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Yoohoo, In Flames, look up here.



This Week's Editorial: Defending the Playlist

BOSTON--It is the last issue of the month. Time for founder Doug Chagnon to grab his iPod, hit shuffle, and talk about the first ten songs. Read about it here.

Feature Stories

Michigan Deathfest Organizers Have No One to Blame But Themselves

DETROIT--Organizers of the Michigan Deathfest were forced to cancel this year's 20th anniversary show citing band break-ups and an Iron Maiden show the same night. Organizers refused to mention the purple elephant in the room, nobody could figure out who was playing based on the flyer.
"Seriously, those are band names?" said Detroit native Paul Young. "I think I saw that font on a vision test I took at the RMV the other week."
Online fans have turned the poster into a metalheads' version of the online game Sporcle trying to guess all the bands on the flyer. While 94.3% were able to decipher Imperial Conquest, only 6.5% correctly guessed Abominant. Over 11,000 people have played the game online, which is outnumbers ticket-buyers by approximately 11,000.


Phil Collen Taking Bowie Obsession Way to Far

PALM BEACH--Def Leppard's Phil Collen was married for the third time recently to a woman known as the future ex-Mrs. Phil Collen. The nuptials took place nine days after Collen's second divorce from a woman that 'has a lot in common' with his new bride and David Bowie's stunning wife, Iman.
"I don't want to say he has a type," said an anonymous source whose name rhymes with Bo Belliot. "But he's the only dude I know with WNBA season tickets."
Attendees of the wedding were disappointed that the new couple had an alocohol-free reception but were ecstatice to finally see Collen wearing a shirt.

Christian Metalcore Band Undergoes Controversial Group Surgery

LOS ANGELES--Warped Tour participants Confide of Los Angeles and known for their god-shit-awful cover of guilty pleasure 'Such Great Heights' by the Postal Service, recently underwent a group plastic surgery to look twice as gay and three times as emo. And to all look exactly alike. The group is said to have gone to the same doctor that made everyone in Korn look alike.
Tom Six, writer and director of cult horror flick 'The Human Centipede,' is said to be in discussions with the group to star in a sequel in which the band members will be sewn together head-to-ass.