Heckling Incident Leads to 'Filth'-y Shirt

SUFFOLK- After years of speculation, the origins behind one of the most controversial shirts in modern heavy metal history has come out after Cradle of Filth lead singer Dani Filth spilled the beans on the band's 'Jesus is a Cunt' t-shirt after a 14-hour drinking binge. While many assumed the shirt's over-the-top message was simply a desperate blasphemous cry for attention, it turns out a foray into stand-up comedy lead to its creation.
"I was home one night many years ago watching the telly and some bloke wearing women's clothing was doing stand-up and killing," said Filth referring to Eddie Izzard. "I thought to myself if this guy saying nothing funny and is doing this well then I could just as easily do it and become huge."
Fuck if he was wrong.
"Fuck if I was wrong," repeated Filth. "It looks so easy on the TV but I did the open mic at a local comedy club and I figured I'd just go up there and tell some funny stories. I didn't want to be one of those guys that just tells jokes. I can just wing it because I am naturally funny."
Turns out Filth was wrong.
"It turns out I was wrong," he continued. "After what felt like ten seconds some spanish dude starts yelling at me to be funny. So I called him a cunt. I had nothing."
Filth was told by the club owner to work on his act and come back in six months.
"Six months? I figure after a year I would have my own sitcom."
Filth went to one more open mic were he ate his proverbial dick and never returned to intentional comedy again.