Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Twelve-Year Old Girl Thinks Queensryche is Sad

SEATTLE - Despite having created classic songs like 'Take Hold of the Flame' and 'The Lady Wore Black' as well as landmark albums like 'Operation: Mindcrime' and 'Empire,' Queensryche is doing everything they can to shit on their legacy and then light said legacy shit on fire and shove into a bag, and then take said flaming legacy shit bag and fling at each other's front doors. Infighting has led lead singer Geoff Tate to form his own solo band, the rest of the band to carry on with a Tate, circa 1989, sound-a-like, and the cherry on top is their daughters/wives taking to Facebook to air out their dirty laundry.
The band also recently failed to show up at a gig in Utah opening for Scorpions leaving Tate to open the show with his solo band, which no longer has his ex-son-in-law, and now Queensryche guitarist Parker Lundgen, amongst its ranks. Follow all that. Good, because a remake of 'Dallas' is coming back to television this summer.
It is expected that by next Monday, the band will start rumors that Tate was caught masturbating in the boys locker room during gym class. Tate is then to counter by saying two 'unnamed band members' got caught blowing each other in a tent at a weekend kegger down at the lake. On Wednesday a group of football players will call the whole group 'a bunch of faggots' and then wedgie the hell out of them. Finally on Friday all will be forced to transfer to a new high school and change their names.
Seriously, these dudes wrote 'Operation: Mindcrime.' If the high school version of this author knew this would happen in twenty years he would have gotten into a group that was less embarrassing. A band like C+C Music Factory. Everybody dance now!

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