Editorial

Defending The Playlist

I have never done Speed Dating, but I would imagine if I did, I'd play the iPod game where I would have the broad put her iPod on random and see what the first ten songs are. I would have a few deal breakers. I would imagine Abba would be one of them. 'Brown Eyed Girl' would be another. A little hint for every idiot that thinks it is 'their song.' It ain't.
Anyway, I am going to make this little exercise a monthly feature and you, the loyal Heavy Metal Comedy reader, can take a glimpse into my iPod and see what I got on there, metal and otherwise. C'mon Megadeth....

1. 'Carried Away' by Television - Not embarrasing, right? Television and The Ramones are my favorite CBGB bands. This song is off 'Adventure' which is half as good as 'Marquee Moon.' Good 'end-of-the-night, I can't feel my legs because I drank too much Jameson song.' So far so good.
2. 'Know Your Rights' by The Clash. Weird. Of the 5724 songs on my iPod, I probably only have 100 punk songs. The Clash are odd. I grew up when they sucked. 'Rock the Casbah,' 'Should I Stay or Should I Go'. That era. They sucked. So I had to be convinced to re-assess when I got older. I liked 'London Calling.' I only know this song because Pearl Jam covered it.
3. 'Redneck' by Lamb of God. That's right Heavy Metal Comedy fans! Doug's back and he's back big! Love this song. I know I am the 346,933rd person to say this, but Lamb of God is the new Pantera. Y'know Billy Walsh, the eccentric director from 'Entourage'? If he was a metalhead, he'd be Randy Blythe. Not sure why. Just a vibe.
4. 'Never Mind' by The Replacements. I'm telling you, this list does not exemplify my iPod. I know I sound like I suck 'Rolling Stone's' dick by having three old school, hipster indie/punk bands playing right after each other. The Replacements covered 'Black Diamond,' so they got that going for 'em... which is nice.
5. 'By Your Side' by The Black Crowes. Love the Black Crowes. Hearing them makes me wish I grew up in the seventies. Great live band. Speaking of which, anybody have an extra for their show at the Somerville Theater on 3/5? Hit me up via the 'Contact' page.
6. 'Write a Song' by The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. I have the whole album. Filler song. Next.
7. 'New Life' by Depeche Mode. Oh boy. I was afraid this was gonna happen. Can I chalk this up to a guilty pleasure? And yes, this gives 'Master and Servant' a run for gayest song ever. I get it. I also have a sudden urge to use Anal Nitrate. Better move on.
8. 'Piggy' by Nine Inch Nails. Best song ever written about 'Lord of the Flies.' What? This song has special meaning. Back when I drove from New Hampshire to Dayton, OH for college, this song came on just as I was getting on the highway. Going 85 MPH in a Dodge Colt hatchback singing 'Nothing Can Stop Me Now' is pretty sweet.
9. 'You Have Placed a Chill in My Heart' by Eurthymics. This is not working out well at all. I may have my heavy metal license revoked. Full disclosure. I love Annie Lennox. I want to make babies with her. How great would it be if she covered 'Aenema'? Yes, that's right bitch.
10. 'Crimes' by A Perfect Circle. If I had to make a list of things that disappointed me in my in life, I'd put A Perfect Circle somewhere in between my first Montreal strip club experience and tenth grade. I don't even know why this is still on my iPod.

I feel obligated to mention that song #11 was 'Revolution is My Name.' That is all for this month's installment of Heavy Metal Comedy Playlist. I will call this one 'Hipster Pussy Faggot.'