W.A.S.P. Releasing New Box Set

LOS ANGELES --W.A.S.P frontman Blackie Lawless told Australia's Inside_Out666 the band is planning to release an Anthology Box Set in time for next summer's European festival circuit. The set is expected to consist of 60 tracks, which will include 36 versions of 'Wild Child,' 23 versions of 'Animal (Fuck Like a Beast),' and their cover of The Who's 'The Real Me.'

'Talking Metal' on Fuse is Actually About Talking Metal

NEW YORK—'Talking Metal' on Fuse TV shocked Fuse executives when it was revealed to be two intelligent, well-spoken men talking about heavy metal music.
"Yes, that's gonna stop if I have anything to say about," said VP of Programming Interference Johnny Tightass. "We can't have a metal show unless there's some annoying chick in revealing clothes throwing up devil horns and spewing cliches like 'bitchin'."

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If you spend most of your fortune on plastic surgery and makeup, leave a few bucks for a limo.

The Sword Refuses to Cut the Shit

AUSTIN--Stoner metallers The Sword released their new album this week entitled 'Gods of the Earth.' Taking a cue from Mastodon, each song is more confusing than the last, culminating in lead single, 'Fire Lances of the Ancient Hyperzephyrians.' Half of album's purchasers have already gone insane trying to figure it out.

Rikki Rockett to Get His Own VH1 Reality Show

LOS ANGELES—Drummer Rikki Rockett of Glam Metal legends Poison will be following in the footsteps of lead singer Bret Michaels this summer with his very own reality show. VH1, the cable channel that launched 'Rock of Love', and features Michaels finding the woman of his dreams, will build the show around Rockett and his recent arrest in a Los Angeles airport entitled 'Rape of Love.'
"We're going to have Rikki travel to various Native American casinos across this great nation and rape a different chick at each one," said Creator Mark Cronin. "Rikki will then bring his favorite dozen to Los Angeles and after several eliminations, choose the woman he'd like to rape again. His 'Rape of Love' if you will."
Cronin has a project lined up for bassist Bobby Dahl, the only member of Poison yet to appear on a reality show, but has thus far been spurned by the charismatic bassist because "apparently the one guy with pride is the one no one cares about."

Keith Caputo Has a Giant Boner

BROOKLYN—The new album from Life of Agony frontman Keith Caputo is available for streaming on his Myspace page. IT experts warn the amount of traffic on the site could slow down the stream. Having taking that into consideration, Caputo expects anyone with a dial-up modem to be fine.
"Frankly, I'm not even going to listen to it," said Caputo. "Seriously, just go listen to 'River Runs Red' again. That album is awesome."
Caputo is also excited about the departure of Scott Weiland from supergroup Velvet Revolver. Many feel Life of Agony's 'Broken Valley' was influenced by Velvet Revolver.
"I wouldn't say influenced," added Caputo. "It was pretty much a cover album. But seriously though, Slash, Duff, if you need someone, give me a call. I'm available. Very available. It can been kind of a 'Ripper' Owens/Judas Priest kind of thing."